Can You Really Have It All, Or Are We Just Playing Dress-Up in Our Dreams?
In that moment, I felt like Alice in Wonderland. I was on the underground, heading to work, when I saw her — a woman in her 40s, chic and effortlessly powerful. There was something magnetic about her. She was impeccably dressed, in a tailored coat, a chic scarf, and sharp heels that clicked with confidence. She had this aura of power that was both feminine and almost masculine, as if she was in complete control of everything around her. And I couldn’t help but wonder: Does she have it all?
The dream job? And what about a family? Is it possible for someone to balance it all, the dream career, success and the life they’ve always wanted? As soon as she left she kept lingering in my mind and gave me inspiration. I wondered how often women like her strong, composed, seemingly perfect are carrying the weight of expectations, silently juggling everything the world asks of them. We tell women they can have it all, but the truth is, no one can carry that pressure forever without feeling the strain. It’s funny how this idea of "having it all" gets sold to us as the ultimate achievement. Women are taught from a young age that if we work hard enough, love deeply enough, and follow our passions relentlessly, we can somehow have the perfect balance of love, career, and self-fulfilment. But when we look closely, is it even realistic? The more I reflect on it, the more I realise that “having it all” is like a moving target. What it looks like can change depending on where you are in life. One minute, you might be killing it at work, but your personal life feels empty. Next, you might have a fulfilling relationship, but your career hits a wall and no matter how hard you try to juggle everything, there always seems to be something pulling you in a different direction. It’s exhausting, really, this pressure to fit everything perfectly into an Instagram-worthy, picture-perfect box.
Have you ever wondered that there is also an element of brutal destiny that plays into some people lives, that are born into having it all served to them on a silver platter while for others, it’s a constant battle to even get a seat at the table. However, It’s easy to look at someone else’s life, with all their achievements and seemingly perfect moments, and think that they're doing it right. But what we don’t see is the struggle behind the scenes, the personal costs, the compromises, and burnout. We’re so caught up in this idea that everything has to fit neatly into place, that we forget to ask ourselves: What really matters to me right now? In the process of trying to "have it all," it often feels like something has to give. If you're focused on building a successful career, maybe you’re missing out on time with family or friends. If you're chasing the dream job, maybe your relationship suffers.
When it comes to relationships, this is where things get very tricky. The gendered division whether it's at home or in relationships can be a huge strain. Men in relationships might not always feel the pressure to balance "work-life" in the same way because society doesn't hold them to the same standard of “emotional labour” - the messy kind, where it involves you being extremely vulnerable. They are often permitted to lean more into their career focus, while women are more frequently asked to juggle too many things at once. At a dinner table, friends were discussing how both women and men are challenging rigid gender roles. The question everyone is asking is if men should have the freedom to focus on work without the same emotional or relational pressures. More men are being called out to be emotionally available.
It's a societal shift.
I guess my point is, maybe it's not about achieving balance all at once. Maybe it’s about figuring out what matters most to you in the moment and learning to carpe your diem — because that's where true happiness lies? Life’s messiness is part of the journey too. The pressure to have it all, all the time, is just another story we’ve been told. It’s okay to have different priorities at different points in life. The truth is, everyone’s "all" looks different, and what works for one person might not work for another. Sometimes, It’s always easier said than done but that’s a whole other conversation for later.
